#anyway my days are numbered Thank Goodness
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ᯓ ✈︎ paradise found .ᐟ ˎˊ˗
⤷ 9. busted📍
wc: 913
warnings: swearing
“you can do it, you can do it” was all jake could hear at the moment, he was trying to hype himself up to actually go and talk to you and say the truth before things got out of control and also before riki ended up bankrupt.
jake took a deep breath and left his hotel room. walking down the hallway to get to the elevator, while he waited for the elevator to arrive he was repeating your room number in his head as if somehow he stopped doing it he would immediately forget. “406, 406, 406…” once the elevator arrived he pressed the fourth floor button and waited for the doors to close. the elevator ride seemed a bit longer this time, even if it was a pretty short ride of just three floors, it felt incredibly long this time but jake ignored it, thinking his nerves were acting up.
the elevator doors opened, signaling the arrival at the fourth floor, he left the elevator and looked around the hallways before turning left to get to your hotel room. once he finally got to your hotel room he started to doubt this whole thing “what if she gets mad at me? what if she thinks me and riki are some kind of weirdos?” But he left all his doubts behind and knocked on your door. he anxiously waited for a response until the door, eventually, creaked open, except it wasn’t the response he expected.
“hey! you’re that guy!” a red haired girl pointed at him. “uh i don’t know, i guess so?” jake replied a bit confused. “yeah you are! the dog-“ yunjin said before being cut off from inside the room “never mind, so what do you need?” yunjin asked jake. “oh actually can i talk to y/n? I need to clear something up” jake said while rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “oh yeah sure! let me get her” yunjin said before backing out a little bit and then shouting your name. you appeared a few seconds later, fixing your clothes after sitting down for a long time. when you appeared, jake smiled softly unconsciously, well at least that’s what yunjin thought.
“oh hi! didn’t expect to see you here” you said while glaring yunjin to get the message that she should give you two some privacy. “so what did you want to talk about? is it about that day..?” you asked, remembering the awkward encounter you both had. “oh no it’s not about that, it’s actually about your.. secret admirer” he said, lowering his voice after every word till the last words were just some whispers. “OH! Are you my secret admirer? well woah, I’m flattered actually-“ you started rambling like you always did before jake cut you off. “not really, I mean yes?? I picked the gift, riki bought it so-“ jake rambled too before you cut him off, totally shocked.
“YOU PICKED THE GIFT?? AND RIKI BOUGHT IT??” you shouted in confusion, looking at him bewildered. “yes and yes but let me explain first pleaseee?” he asked with a small smile before proceeding anyways. “the thing is.. when riki asked for your room number it was actually for.. me! FOR NOTHING WEIRD BY THE WAY! I just liked talking to you that day on the beach and wanted to be your friend” he clarified, slightly embarrassed about revealing the true reason for riki getting your room number.
“Oh! yeah that makes sense, but what about the secret admirer?” you asked him again “okay so riki is a terrible liar! And he made a terrible lie with the secret admirer thing instead of just telling the truth, which I apologize for, he’s a little weird sometimes” he giggled before continuing. “And the gift.. I can’t really explain the gift, I just looked the bag and said it was cute but when I saw the bag up close and i noticed the price, I literally gasped and riki just went with it and bought a thousand dollar bag” he said, jokingly disappointed in him. “well, thanks for clarifying the whole thing and also thanks for the bag, it’s pretty cute, you got a pretty good taste” you said with a smile.
“yeah? well.. you’re welcome” he nodded with a small, shy smile as he spoke. “hey, you said you wanted to be my friend right?” you asked him. “uh yeah I did” he nodded again. “well can you give me your phone? I’ll give you my number” you said as you looked at his phone in his hand. “my phone? oh sure, take it” he agreed, a bit bewildered before unlocking it so you could give him your number. you wrote your number carefully before handing him his phone back. “there you go! I think we’ll be good friends” you giggled. “yeah I also think that, see you around?” he said as he put his phone in his pocket. “see you around” you repeated with a nod as you closed your room door.
jake stared for a while at the closed door in front of him before snapping off his thoughts and turning around to head back to the elevator. he knew that if he told his friends about this he would get teased for it but he didn’t really care now cause he was surprisingly in a good mood after clarifying the whole situation like if a weight got lifted from his shoulders.
previous masterlist next
taglist: @domfikeluva, @keylimejake , @starry-eyed-bimbo, @rairaiblog , @tkooooop , @right-person-wrong-time
#enhypen#enhypen crack#enhypen fluff#enhypen scenarios#enhypen smau#enhypen social media au#jake x reader#jake social media au#enha#enhypen imagines#enha jake#enha smau#enha x reader#enha scenarios#enha imagines#enha fluff#enhypen headcannons#enhypen x reader#enhypen jake#jake enhypen#jake sim smau#jake fluff#jake smau#jake imagines#jake sim
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[Me checking tumblr this morning]
Oh hey neat I have 500 followers now
WAIT I HAVE 500 FOLLOWERS NOW?
Genuinely, I never thought this would happen, and to think I started this blog just because I was sick and bored one day.
I cannot express my gratitude for all the support you've shown me. It means so much that you like my stuff and every like,reblog request and follow is very much appreciated and means a lot. Thank you so much. I'll definitely continue writing stuff for you.
And here's to another 500
So I have an announcement now. To celebrate this milestone I'll add two fandoms to the masterlist, one of which I'll let you guys choose(because as a yttd fan there's few things I like more than a good old fashioned majority vote)
The first fandom is gonna be from one of my favorite things to write for:fanganronpas. I've narrowed the choices down to three of them and I wanted to let you choose which one you'd like to see me write for the most
Don't worry I will still add the fangans that don't win the vote later, probably when we get more chapters or I reach more milestones
I'll leave you with some small drabbles/incorrect quotes with the main girls from the fangans you can choose from for today's post.
Thank you so much again for the milestone and hope you have a great day
Cancel(drf:sh)
[You and cancel are making out on the couch in your dorm]
Y/n:usually you're never this affectionate, what's up?
Cancel:What? Can't I show you my love once in a while?
Y/n:awww, you love me?
Cancel:yes, don't I say it enough?
Y/n:definitely not
Cancel:uh, just shut up and kiss me
[You continue making out until enigma walk in the room]
Enigma:Hey cancel have you see-
[She immediately pulls out while blushing intensely]
Cancel:Why are you here? Do you not know how to knock?
Enigma:geez sorry I didn't mean to-
Cancel:you still did, so go away
[He walks out as cancel looks away, still embarrassed]
Y/n:......guess you couldn't predict that
Cancel:[blushing] s-shut up
Akira hayasaka(dr:hd)
R/g/n:Call me, cutie~
[She says while handing you a piece of paper with her number]
Y/n:.....I actually-
[She walks away before you can even finish]
Y/n:[sigh]
[You throw the paper away and approach akira, who's still glaring at the girl]
Akira:what a bitch, she didn't let you finish half your sentences
Y/n:Yeah,you're way better
Akira:Did you really have any doubts~?
Y/n:[giggle] no
Akira:Good.......by the way, do you know what her name is?
Y/n:No, she didn't even tell me that can you believe that? Why do you wanna know anyway?
Akira:..........no reason
Y/n:.....Kira, you're not thinking about killing her....right?
Akira:No,I'm a hitman, not a murderer
Y/n:Oh good
Akira:.....that being said, I wouldn't mind someone putting a hit on her
Y/n:.......
Anko hibana(bdr:cp)
Anko:[gasp] How can you tell such things about me, hiro!? and I thought we were friends, I am not clingy with y/n!
Hiroto:.......
[You suddenly walk into the room]
Y/n:Hey babe do you wanna-
Anko:[gasp]
[She immediately runs to hug you tightly
Anko:Oh,how are you, my sweet and cute pookie
Y/n:....g-good thanks
Anko:I bet it's better now that I'm here riiiiiight~?
Y/n:y-yeah
Anko:[giggle] good answer
[She starts peppering your face in kisses]
Hiroto:You seriously don't see what I mean?
Anko:hm? What were we talking about again?
Hiroto:........
Anko:sorry it's just that y/n takes up all the space in my mind when I see them, in fact, we're going out now
Y/n:w-wait we are?
Anko:so call me if you need me ok hiro?
Hiroto:.......
Anko:I'll take that as a yes
[She grabs your hand and drags you outside]
#danganronpa f shattered hope#danganronpa f shattered hope x reader#cancel x reader#cancel#cancel drfsh#cancel danganronpa f x reader#cancel danganronpa f#danganronpa heartless deceit#danganronpa heartless deceit x reader#akira hayasaka x reader#akira hayasaka#brave danganronpa#brave danganronpa x reader#anko hibana x reader#anko hibana#gn reader#tumblr milestone
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Counting “hanging out on tumblr with the moots” as a hobby for the To Do list simply bc no energy for anything else 😭
#brb-rambles#brb-life#I am going to bed so early guys#good news tho is I decided to move my last day up so i only have#*checks calendar*#two and a half weeks left?#three if you don’t count the vacation#but work was getting frustrating so I said nope fuck that and gave myself a week off before school starts to fix my sleep schedule and life#cuz I have not seen fam or friends much this summer#well#ppl I care about anyway#anyway my days are numbered Thank Goodness
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If I asked you to give me some wedding Leon headcanons, would you? Pretty please 🥺
This is from July 4th I'm so sorry anon. Leon wedding headcanons be upon ye.
Jesus I wrote this in my drafts and hit save and it didn't immediately update and I just thought I lost it and would have to rewrite it
Alright, first things first. Leon wants a small, private wedding. More than half of his life has been spent in the spotlight. Privacy is a rare commodity for him, and he'll fight tooth and nail to keep the most important day of his life hidden from the public eye. It's about him and you, baby, not about the paparazzi or tabloids.
The guest list will be small, just family and friends. Probably in a small place in the countryside, away from the public's prying eyes. He's a farm boy at his core, reconnecting with his roots.
Despite his desire for privacy, it's only a matter of time before pictures get out. The public already knew about your engagement, and are incredibly disappointed that they won't be privy to, what they describe as, the wedding of the century. Thankfully for them, a certain social media addict is in attendance-
Yeah, Raihan ends up leaking photos from your wedding. It's not on purpose, prommy. It's expected, and as much as Leon wants his privacy for just one day, he loves Raihan too much to cut him from the invite list. Thankfully, the only photos that get out look good.
Honestly, Leon doesn't care that much about the décor. He knows his sense of style isn't... the best. He doesn't mind that fact, it's just how he is. He cares about getting married to you, that's all. He'll give his opinion when prompted, but he's more than happy to let you pick whatever you want. You could pick the gaudiest color scheme, the most abysmal floral arrangements, and the worst venue known to man, and he'd think it's perfect because it was all hand picked by you. Man is down bad.
Again, his only real input is having the ceremony at a small venue. Somewhere outdoors in the country side, or maybe in a barn. The specifics don't matter to him.
Raihan would definitely be his best man, followed by Sonia, his childhood bestie, and Charizard, because it's Leon what else do you expect. They hype him up, especially during the leadup to the actual ceremony. He won't admit it to you, but he was sweating bullets when waiting. He knows you love him dearly, but can't help but worry, you know?
In terms of attire, he dresses rather normally. Just a simple white suit, likely with a yellow tie. I saw someone headcanon yellow as his favorite color once, and it stuck with me. He even ditches his hat for the day, his hair instead braided elegantly.
You could literally wear a trash bag for your attire and he'd love you all the same. It doesn't matter how you're dressed-whether you wear a dress or suit, traditional or out there-he'll find you breathtaking all the same. He tries his best to hold back his tears when you walk down the aisle, only letting a few fall. He's so unbelievably lucky to have you.
The reception doesn't particularly matter to him, either. He does enjoy himself, being surrounded by the people that matter the most to him, around his loved one's without putting up a face for once. It's liberating for him, actually, but his eyes always find their way back to you, as if trying to sear your image into his mind.
Perhaps the best part of the whole event, aside from getting married to you, obviously, is the fact that none of his friends make fun of him for how hopelessly in love he is. On any other day, they would poke fun at him, teasing him gently for the warmth in his eyes and stupid grin that comes onto his face when he spots you, but his wedding day is different. He's more than allowed to think of nothing except for how much he absolutely positively adored you, on lookers be damned.
He's got two left feet when it comes to dancing. He's bad at it. Laughably so. And no amount of practice can truly fix that fact. He'll stumble, step on your toes a few times, forget the next steps more than once, but he can't be bothered to feel embarrassed about it. Slow dancing with you is a dream for him, makes it feel like there's no one else in the world but the pair of you. He might cry again, holding you in his arms, having officially tied the knot. Wipe away his tears with a gentle touch, and he might somehow fall for you even harder.
In general, Leon would pretty much let you do whatever you want for your wedding, both ceremony and reception. He doesn't care, tailor it to your preferences, it's already going to be the best day of his life, knowing you're happy with everything just makes everything so much better.
Your ring can be whatever you want it to be. Leon doesn't have a budget, no amount of money is too much for him, not when it comes to you. I imagine his ring would be pretty plain, a simple gold band. If he's still champion, he ends up taking it off fairly frequently, not wanting it to get dirty and smudged during battles. In his chairman era, it's on 24-7.
Make no mistake, though, he will let the public know how much he loves being your husband. If he had the choice, he would talk about you in every single interview, simply gushing with praise. No force on Earth could ever make him feel ashamed for loving you.
Similarly, the honeymoon can happen wherever you want. As long as he's with you, he's happy. He is restricted by time, however, he can't be gone for too long, unfortunately. You can stay in Galar, or go to any other region, to do any activity your pretty mind could dream of. (Although, if you asked him where he wanted to go, he'd probably say Alola.)
I can't promise he won't get into battles on the actual trip. I can actually almost guarantee that he will. He can't help it, battling is his passion in life. He does spend most of the time glued to your side, though, wanting to spend as much time with you as humanly possible before having to go back to the regular grind of life.
I do think Leon and Cynthia are a bit similar, hence why I think their weddings would be similar, with the shedding of tears at the altar and whatnot. That is to say, on your wedding night, you will be getting dicked down. Lovingly. Leon just wants to show you how much he loves you, and, after a long day surrounded by other's, professing his love directly to your face, the best way to do that is with his action. Specifically, action involving his dick-
#pokemon x reader#leon x reader#thank you anon for giving me motivation to write#anon im so sorry its been months#i will write#i will write more#mantra i say to myself in the mirror#its hard to write about weddings because all i can think about is this one moment from my cousins wedding#my baby cousin who was probably three or four at the time was just in the buffet line by himself#not accompanied by anyone#not terribly long but i dont have much else to add#my head hurt#i KNOW ive already used this gif of leon but its SO good#twilight wings i love you heart#anyways#ive gotta go back to playing terraria#golem's days are fucking numbered
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Gratitude time
#today im doing it because it's easy and im overflowing with thankful things#very often i do it because it's hard#probably good to remember it CAN be easy#anyway#thankful for my team im gonna be travelling with and the enciuragement they are#its good to remember i am not on this ceazy ride alone#thankful for a genuinely good rich fulfilling day of class/prep#and the stories of God’s amazing provision from an incredible middle eastern guy who shared with us#and for the moroccan lady i met who now somehow is cooking us lunch tomorrow so now i get to try moroccan food#and her hospitality#and for a good comfy bed and the gift of a private room this qeek#and wifi cuz hey that's a bonus (not to be taken for granted this next month)#and a remarkable number of solutions for dumb lil problems#and for the fact that my goodby with The Boy tonight (the big goodbye. for 8 months)#which both of us were dreading because yknow the Big Sad#didnt actually hit either of us emotionally while we were together#which was such a gift. we got to spend 3 hours together just being peaceful and present and having good conversations#and thinking about how to do dating well this year#and praying together#and it was just. so good#and i am so so glad i get to date him this year and share this crazy thing with him even though itvis gonna be really really hard sometimes#and he made me a bracelet to take with me 🥺
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Hi Uncle Neen! HYH! It sucks to see you struggling cuz you are a big inspiration of mine :( but you said you did your makeup the other day. Can we seeeeeeeeee maybe?
d'awwww ksahdlkdss, you are so sweet, nonnie! thank you so so soooo much, baby! xx i really needed this. i hope i heal ( i will...i have to, i am too much of an asshole to let god win, fuck him ) and i hope you heal from whatever harms you as well! you can do it! mWAH!~
-- also brb crying ;-; <3333 whenever y'all tell me i inspire you, it seriously makes me want to cry; you mean SO much to me, so to mean so much to you; it's Everything to me, my love. thank you for believing in me, know i believe infinitely in YOU and will keep fighting the good fight, living authentically and modelling pos behavior on this blog bc i take being a role model very seriously. :')
BUT ANYWAYS! sakhdlasd oh my god aaAaaAAAaa please!!! YOU ARE SO CUTE, THIS IS SO CUTE OF YOU, hELP AAAAA!!!!!! but yes, of course, of course. considering i am super bacteria nina right now and had to resign from my ( admittedly ) trash job and am no longer, at this moment, an education girlie ( besides on here, ofc, educating you on my two gay sons in love ), i can freely exist and post pictures of myself again! thank you for for giving me a safe place to do that. <3
i'll elaborate on what 'safe' means to me down below, but just for context i took this...sigh...last week, when i was told i would 'all better', just trying to feel like myself again after a month of being unmadeup and unfitted and ugly and troll-like and on death fucking row and fucking miserable as hell, i had my new hair appointment lined up, was about ready to take life by the balls again...and that shit BLUE BALLED ME SO HARD AND SAID *ravenstan vc* JK, BABY!
okay, sorry i have some really bad scarring and wounding up there by my neck so i had to cover her up but...there she is! the she beast!
as for posting pictures of myself just...please...PLEASE BE KIND. and i wish i meant that as a joke, i mean it very, VERY seriously. i am at a point right now, where i look my very fucking worst, i am weaker than i have ever been in my life, there are abrasions all over my body, which per the results of my culture ( i was right...several fucking times and no one would listen to me ) my body is trying to kill me and right now...it is Winning. ( i'm not gonna lose tho, dw, i am a nasty bitch from hell and i refuse to die this ugly, i fucking won't; choke )
tldr; I AM VERY VERY VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW I LOOK. I DO NOT FEEL PRETTY, I AM LIKE ONE BAD COMMENT AWAY FROM TEARING THE SKIN OFF MY FACE AND I AM TELLING YOU GUYS I CANNOT DO THAT, I CANT CREATE ANY TEARING ON MY BODY OR THE BACTERIA WILL TUNNEL AND ITS HARD ENOUGH AS A BITCH WITH DERMATILOMANIA.
PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.
i know we shoot the shit on here and are funny and clown eachother, you guys are my family; it's what families do, but my boundary is that you can say i am pretty and be objectively kind or Please do not send me anything At ALL about how i look; i CANNOT take it rn. i know were just joking, but please, please, PLEASE Do NOT compare me to any ugly creatures, make me feel weird about any part of my face, tell me i look blurry, say anything is too big or too small…
please don’t meme on me abt my appearance...Ever.
it’s a very sensitive spot for me and makes me v anxious.
all this to say, i love you; thank you for being my home.
HYH.
-uncle nina, single ravesey mother and human petri dish
#idk what the face tag is ill make one later#but there she is#this is so sweet thank you guys for caring i swear i want to post more i am just so weak rn that its hard to keep my head up#ill talk about it more later but the test results were kinda hard for me bc they were scary and it is pretty serious#and very fucked up bc they could have caught it at er number one but they didnt catch it until my fifth drs appointment#and i had to beg...and lo and behold i am very fucking sick now and everything sucks but i am gonna beat it don't worry#anyways sorry for momming you guys i miss my kindergarteners i didnt get to say goodbye i am devastated#but i am actually very sensitive about how i look and do think i am ugly most days especially rn so please be kind to me#i only say this because i had a couple of anons who had good intentions send me anons joking with me about how i look#and it put me in such a bad depression that i like couldnt look at my face for days and it devastated me i am very sensitive#so please only kind words like objectively positively kind please don't make jokes about how i look or try to be funny#not in a good place for it but sigh...my hair...it is falling out rn so that sucks i'm out of comission for a week and a half#up to a month...assuming i get better...I WILL DW SORRY I WILL and i have stuff i'm working on right now#ask memes and i am trying to write so hang in there i love u#HYH <3
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perpetual chicken and egg question are you not writing fanfiction because you're depressed or are you depressed because you're not writing fanfiction. write fanfiction and find out today
#personal#liz loves writing#i think it's the former i think it's seasonal it's got to be seasonal!!!!!!!!#but i wrote 1k of envesseled yesterday and like#it wasn't even a good 1k if i'm being honest like it was a bad set of words#but i felt SO much better. i didn't even get mad when i got into bed to find my cat had puked on the bedspread#having to remake my entire bed when im ready to sleep normally turns me into number one grouch and i didnt care#slept well got up at a reasonable hour and everything#the effect is starting to wear off which means i need to write another 1000 words but I Dont Wanna. must be seasonal.#man remember when i was banging out 2 an 3 thousand every day easily? i miss that.#anyway maybe it's the weather here...it's been like 70+ for 3 days now thanks climate change
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When did the latest 1,000 of you follow me??? good lord hi and welcome, I should maybe pay attention to my notifications and activity page more 😭
#I’m not sure if you showed up about fanfiction or from one of my brief hyperfixations or from the cult post or from Star Trek or batfam#but hi welcome hello!#it’s just this! it’s just this. all the time. I bounce interests and recycle old ones#and share way too much personal life on this blog#especially in post tags#and i really love talking with people but most of the time my brain treats messages and asks and emails and texts#as if they are a deadly danger#so I WILL take up to 7 years to respond#but please know it haunts me every day#and I will get to it eventually#even if it’s long after you unfollowed me potentially#anyway. in this house we stan fairness and authenticity and compassion towards both others and self#and we are a pro skepticism and pro sourced-information and pro scientific research around here#AND obsessed with experiencing existence through the realm of story#I hope you enjoy your time here! you can always stick around and I’m happy to see you#but absolutely unfollow me at any time! curate your online experience! it should be good for you#when I or my blog no longer spark joy#please unfollow. I literally do not care. your experience is supposed to be nice for you#take what serves you and leave the rest.#this is just tumblr. you have a whole life#I’ll never be mad#👍#2024#this is a lot of followers. like not five digits a lot but INCOMPREHENSIBLE numbers to ME regardless lol#thanks for following whatever your reason was#personal
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HI I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE INTO ADAMANDI HOLY SHIT. Can’t believe so few people know about this masterpiece of a musical
:OOOOO hai i agree it is criminally (haha yknow bc there are crimes..) underrated!! and really brilliant!!! discovered it literally midway through the week and akdfjgsjhdsjhjgdf
have a doodle of the saints :3
#this is kinda because on someone's insta i saw one of the saints doing a peace sign dksajh have smth silly#adamandi#ask me stuff???#realising i have to put my tags at the beginning before rambles or tumblr won't catch it#i am into adamandi. now. this is terrible timing because exam season but hMM the academic grindset really resonates now huh#the moment i caught myself in the ao3 tag i was like ''oh.''#i have so many thoughts. so many many thoughts. im so insane about this musical actually. also the fandom so far seems so nice#also yeah! the number of people who know about it is quite small huh.. it makes me kinda feel like im infiltrating the group... ?#late to the party as ever. but it's. so so good. such a musical ever the brainrot is real#also the way the creators themselves are active on tumblr :OO rly cool. ngl the tags they left under my posts had me#giggling screaming kicking my feet etcetera... and bc apparently i thrive off positive reinforcement that sparked the whole cut fruit art..#i am itching to know about the track thing with portia. also portrix real the lesbians keep winning!! also also i may have spent half a day#internet stalking ><. secret pinterest boards where :O#anyway thank you for the ask anon idk how to answer concisely but yes. adamandi. oh my god.#miscellany: can we appreciate ambrose's high notes.. also i was on wiki reading about ''apollonian vs dionysian'' it's insane#on yet another note. im entering my lin era rn i think. what a time. where can i run so true + vincent's surname my beloved. forest imagery#side note? tiny little detail i'd love to do smth about in the future: in word to the wise there's smth about “appraising your rings” and i#the one who pulls the strings beatrix mentions “bought my classmates rings” like. kjdfhsgjkhd???? thinks.#.. but new fav musical unlocked is all#between this and watt i am maybe into my murder musical era. confession that i don't do horror much because i have an overactive imaginatio#but like those two hit the spot. and i think organic imagery.. blood visuals.. is very cool// and the moment you start looking at literal#life and death situations then the dramaticness especially comes in and that's fun!! // also i read smth today about tragedy making you#appreciate irl stuff more. like ''wow thats messed up im sure glad that isnt me i love life''. and lowkey?? yeah
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.
#medical stuff cw#i sat on the steps instead of taking their seat#vent cw#i have to take five different pills a day excluding birth control which i also take for health reasons but okay#i have to thank italy for its healthcare system because at least i dont have to pay a fuckton for all that stuff. except birthcontrol.#as i may have mentioned they found quite a bit of blood in my piss so im getting tested for ✨️cancer✨️#also because i've been having health issues which might be rated#my blood work is all off but i didnt get tested for tumoral cells specifically because i may have 'just' an autoimmune condition#so im on heavy duty antibiotics too now bc i also developed antibiotic resistance last year. anyway.#i need to take those and then they'll test my peepee again but this time they will also test explicitly for tumoral cells#because something is off and my previous blood work didnt point out what exactly#terrible anemia and other slightly-off numbers that however shouldnt be off considering my lifestyle#i eat almost everything. drink plenty of water. exercise. barely smoke. not even drinking anymore. i'm not too fat nor too skinny.#so. some of the numbers that are off dont really have a reason to be off which is why they are testing my blood and piss for cancer#but like. in 3 weeks because i have to take antibiotics and iron meds (not supplements. meds.) first#so my mind's trying to convince itself that i dont have a tumor. but what if i do? i know i dont. but not knowing makes me go insane#also i have to get tested for heart disease because that motherfucker is not working properly. doesnt pump enough blood to my brain.#i took an ekg and it came back pretty normal except for tachycardia#now i have to go get an holter ekg - but was told to wait until uni starts again bc i need that exam to be done when i have a daily routine#so basically they slap electrodes and shit on me for 24 hrs while i go do my shit around the city and then see how my heart behaved#because i cant stand without struggling to breathe and sometimes it happens when in laying down to.#sometimes i cant fall asleep because i cant breathe#at first the doc thought it might be a reflux issue but not. all good on that front.#so. we'll see. and i mean. i KNOW it's not cancer. like. i'd be dead by now bc i've been having these symptoms for five months#however. i dont know if it's not an autoimmune disease. and if it is? what am i gonna do?
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i had fun today. thank you everyone who sent them for the birthday wishes and hanging out with my silly ass today 💜
#i dont usually like my birthdays cause im alone and things arent nice and bleh#and today wasnt really like anything super special even. just a little nice day with some good food and drinks and comfort content mostly#theres just something about like.. idk. making it this far with how the last year especially has been#so 32 has been a distant terrible number for me really. but here we are. for better or worse#now we just hope we make it to 33 somehow lmao#anyways i think i gotta sleep but thank you again yall are precious 💜💜💜#night is an absolute mess on main
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Been looking through some of my old instagram posts, and it brought me a lot of nostalgia, and also a bitter feeling knowing I'll probably never get the same amount of engagement on my art again...
#I really make an effort so that numbers dont affect me#but sometimes the worry comes back#I dont even think is just the engangement and likes what makes me a bit sad#it's the way I lost contact with a lot of mutuals from back in the day#like...what happened? is my art no longer good to them?#anyway; if we're still mutuals; love you ♥︎ thank you for apreciating my art for so long#also I now feel this need to draw digitally because of old drawings. we'll see if this turns into anything#rambling
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ohmygodddddd i am a fucking genius...👁️ the fic idea i just came up with. the Specific Line i thought up. its such a random idea but its so so cute and sweet and ugh its gonna plague me forever. kinda proud of myself to be honest so lets just hope i can Actually write it soon🧎
#mmm brain isnt always bad sometimes i guess.#its some unapologetic jake fluff btw#bc he deserves it#also i forgot i cant really spend time on tumblr today bc ill be busy again lol so tomorrow it is (hopefully)#but its gonna be a good day bc me and my bestie are going to see love lies bleeding And immaculate together😋😋#and probably get some lunch and maybe ice cream too#excited#have been looking forward to today#and then after today im looking forward to finally crawling back into my little tumblr cave#hopefully i can Actually Read.#and yk. writing would be nice too.#also im goin back on sertraline today and apparently it can be used for ocd too so i will try to see if any of That feels different as well#raaaaaa#still havent fully researched ocd tho🧎ive been procrastinating🧎as i do🧎#anyways goodnight its 5am.#shouldnt have had that 8pm iced capp#i downed that shit fr#ok bye bye love yall#talkin shit#FUCK YES THIS POSTED LIKE ON THE VERY SECOND 5:15 WAS ENDING YESSS#sorry i actually like am distressed when the minute(s) of my posts arent posted on a 0 or 5 or like the same as the previous number#and when it is i feel like actual relief and joy#and when it isnt i contemplate deleting and waiting until the desired minute to post again.#anddd sometimes i actually do.#i also will just wait several minutes to post something when its not the exact minute i want yet#or ill queue it for like. literally a couple minutes in the future.#yeah i have many issues#okay gn thank you for reading if you read🧍🫶#i always either suck my own dick or beat my own ass.#rarely ever is there an in between
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ohh wow i passed 1k followers on here while i wasnt looking, how very fun!! thank u all for hanging out ur all the very best <3<3<3
#teki talks#also gained a v recent mutual whom i am ECSTATIC to realize followed me back a few days ago!! hellooooo heehoo<3<3#ive really been busy lately so ive not looked at my activity stuff in a while and i was like 'woah!!'#also ive been getting notifs abt my posts making the rounds like 'oh 4k reblogs 10k reblogs' etc etc#but NOTHING on 1k followers which def FEELS LIKE SMTH I SHOULDVE BEEN NOTIFIED ON??#anyway yall are SO COOL and i love hanging out and whatnot#very grateful so many of u have joined me for the cowboy posting or magic boy posting or space boy posting or gay posting#there's a lot of different kinds of posting going on here but knowing people enjoy enough to follow is a LOT of fun!!#im sorry ive not been as active lately i got a job and im tryina write and all that good stuff!! but ur all always welc to reach out!!#tumblr is a platform where numbers mean fuckall but im thinking about having a thousand people in my house and that does make me feel smth#so thank you!!!!
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SPOTIFY: 9, 32, 99 💙💙💙
!!!! THANK YOU 💙💙💙
09: Warsaw - Lovejoy
32: Losing Face - Wilbur Soot
99: Your Love (Déjà Vu) - Glass Animals
Three very different songs, good numbers :D
Thanks for the ask <33333
#i wanted to say that out of those 3 warsaw might be my fave one.#like duh you idiot that's why it's placed highest sdghjkl#IT MIGHT BE BED TIME OKAY#anyway thanks for sending me numbers :) i hope you have a good day <33#jester answers#narcissusanasui#<3#own
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